I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
