Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
