I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
