If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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