Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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