she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
