the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
