My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
3pm strippers are depressing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
