I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize