He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
