I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
