Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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