these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
