Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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