so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize