You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Randomize
