I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
