so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish there were birth control emojis
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
