Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
