I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
