Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize