I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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