Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize