I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
