wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
