we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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