So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
