When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it glows. i had to have it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
