i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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