I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
