LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize