I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
