I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize