I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
