I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
