She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
