It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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