Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
