yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
