I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
