You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
