He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
