I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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