I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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