Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
