So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
