Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
