you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
