Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
