I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My penis needs a shock collar
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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