Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
