booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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