i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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