Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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