I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize