I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
