Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
