I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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