question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
