Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
