i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
