um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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