Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
