shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
