I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
