i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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