Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
