from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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