thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
